Posted: 4/1/2014 | Relationships	Comments
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“Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?”
                                                                                                           JERRY SEINFELD, stand-up routine

No matter why you’re on a first date, for most people it can be stressful and difficult.

Whether you just lost your spouse through death or divorce, you’re young and just beginning life, or you’ve never found Mr. or Ms. Right, those first few dates can be hard. It can feel like some kind of pressure to be your best or to connect in just the right way. Or maybe it’s not hard for you, and you’re someone who loves meeting new people and starting from the beginning.

No matter if you met your date online, through a friend, at church or temple, or at a bar, it can still feel daunting to know how to start getting to know someone.

Unless you’ve had a lot of practice recently, it’s natural to feel nervous and have insecurities arise with thoughts like, “I’m too this” or “I’m not enough that.” Please be kind to yourself. Most of us have these thoughts. Like everyone, you have your strengths and weaknesses, and so does your date. 
Just look your best, whatever that is for you. And be yourself, as best you can. What about that place to meet? Choose somewhere you’ll be comfortable.

Okay, it’s show time, and you’re both there.

How do you feel as you meet them? What strikes you about them that you’d like to know more about? Ask questions and follow your curiosity. As the date progresses, check in with yourself. What do you notice?

Specifically, what do you want to know from them in order to decide if there will be date number two or three?

Notice their behavior around others. How do they treat the server or ticket taker? Are they mindful and kind to the people around them? How do they talk about their work life? How do they spend their time?

Take a deep breath and ask yourself a few questions:

1)    Can you see yourself getting to know them better?
2)    What do you feel in your body when you’re around them?
3)    What emotions are coming up for you?
4)    What thoughts?
5)    Any intuitive hits about them?

Trust yourself to know the answers.

Take good care of yourself. Don’t reveal more than you want to. Be careful you don’t self-medicate and drink too much out of nervousness. Don’t go home with someone too fast. Give yourself time to get to know them. If it seems good, right now, it will be even better later. Trust is built between people through knowledge and understanding.

Have fun!!!

Please let me know how the first few dates have gone for you. Your comments make a difference for us all.

photo credit imagery majestic via FreeDigitalPhotos.net