Posted: 1/17/2014 | Relationships	Comments
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Many of us long for a whirlwind romance. It’s what’s shown in movies and heard in songs.

Let’s face it. Many of us could imagine falling in love at first sight, the stars are aligned, and you would ride off together into the sunset knowing it will all work out perfectly. But as with jeans, art, and fine wine, love actually gets better with age. As tempting as it may be at the time, it’s best not to jump into something that’s hard to jump out of.

The early stage of love is adored in our culture. It’s a delicious, intoxicating wind that sweeps through our lives and shakes up everything. That’s a good thing most of the time. It alters our reality; it makes us feel awake and alive. It stirs our hormones, puts roses in our cheeks and a spring in our step. It reminds us that anything is possible. Many great marriages have begun with a whirlwind romance, yet I tell my coaching and psychotherapy clients to wait at least four seasons before saying I do.

When we get to know each other within varying emotional states, circumstances, life events, and just the day in and day out living, we’ll recognize how compatible we are. When that initial, intoxicating rush of love wears off just a bit, we can begin to see our challenges and issues which exist in every relationship. How do you both resolve conflict? How do you express your needs and take care of yourselves? A client once told me, “It’s one thing to go to the beach and play for a weekend. It’s another to watch how they deal with a family illness or whiney kids after a long, stressful day at work.”

Compatibility is really a continuum, rather than a fixed point. If you agree on core values, for example, it doesn’t matter so much if you both love Sushi. Some things can be worked around and others are more difficult. If you like a lot of conversation to process life’s ins and outs, and your partner doesn’t, you might experience a lot of frustration over time. At the same time, this might end up helping you both heal in different ways, if you can go deeper into what all of that brings up. If your partner has a religious orientation that’s important to him or her, and you do not, that could be a problem down the line. That too would need to be discussed and explored in order to better understand each other’s positions. How do you both see the future? Do you share a common vision? How do you support each other’s personal dreams?

Compatibility also requires some shared interests and world views. When the heat of passion subsides, which it will at some point, you’ll need to enjoy each other’s company. Do you both prefer to be active or sleeping in on Sunday mornings? Do you like to talk about some of the same things, read many of the same things, watch similar things? In the end, you really need to like each other, much of the time.

No matter how quickly or slowly we fall in love, we always fall in love with the best and worst of our early caretakers. Be prepared to work on whatever comes up in your relationship. Importantly, enjoy the ride, the ups and downs, the uncertainty and the anticipation. This initial phase will end soon enough and with attention, your relationship will grow deeper and richer.

Have you successfully sustained a whirlwind romance, or have you taken the long view? Please leave a comment. It makes a difference for all of us.

For further information on accessing your wisdom, happiness, fulfillment, and peace you desire, click here to learn about Dr. Howard's Multiple Award Winning Book "Your Ultimate Life Plan: How to Deeply Transform Your Everyday Experience and Create Changes That Last."

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