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My Relationship is Over, Now What?
Posted: 7/8/2014 | Relationships Comments
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If a relationship has ended, first of all be kind to yourself.

You’ll need to grieve through your loss. The immediate loss is in the present. And in that there will be some kind of thread tying it to the past, whether that is an earlier adult relationship, a love from your teenage years, or some kind of childhood wounding in your family of origin.

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross delineated five stages of grief:
denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Just know you won’t necessarily go through these in a linear fashion. They’re more like aspects of grief, because they overlap and more than one of the aspects can go on at the same time.

Allow yourself to be with your feelings. Remember, we can’t really control anything completely. So breathe, journal, meditate, pray, see friends, learn good self-talk that builds you up and nurtures you, and reassure yourself that somehow you will go on.

You can learn and not make this “mistake” again. I say “mistake” only because we often think this relationship must have been wrong, but from our deepest level nothing is wasted. All of life is a teacher. Later, after the deep pain has subsided, ask yourself what might you be learning here? Again, part of growing psychologically and spiritually is knowing that we don’t have control over everything and that no matter what arises, we can keep learning and do our best. 

In the midst of a break-up, we can lose sight of our most important relationship, the relationship we have with ourselves. It is the foundation for all our other relationships.

As you process and heal from a break-up, it’s especially important to be aware of, have compassion for, and nurture your relationship with yourself. Take good care of yourself physically as well as emotionally, and get support, whether from a friend, coach, or psychotherapist.

How have you handled break-ups in the past? Your comments make a difference for us all.

For further information on accessing the wisdom, happiness, fulfillment, and peace you desire, click here to learn about Dr. Howard's Multiple Award Winning Book "Your Ultimate Life Plan: How to Deeply Transform Your Everyday Experience and Create Changes That Last.

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