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How to Improve Your Relationship with Your Mom at Any Age
Posted: 5/6/2014 | Relationships Comments
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Ahh… Mothers and Daughters.

For most of us, our first relationship was with our Mothers. They gave birth to, fed, and nurtured us. Most of them did this to the best of their ability. Now, “best of their ability” can vary greatly depending on the circumstances, psychology, and cultures our mothers might have come from.

This can be such a sweet relationship,
and yet it can also be fraught with difficulties. And for most of us, it includes both.

As Daughters, how can we improve our relationships with our Mothers, no matter what the ages might be?

1.) Work on yourself. Since we were reared by flawed people, there were probably ways she wasn’t there for you. It’s your job to get in touch with those ways, feel any anger that comes up, feel any sadness, any hurt, grieve the losses, and when you feel ready, move toward forgiveness.

2.) Let go of the image of your Mother as perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect person. If you still think she is or was perfect, for your own empowerment, you might want to work toward letting go of idealizing her.  It’s not really supporting you in your own life and it doesn’t allow you to be as close to her as you could be. You can’t be close to a fantasy image of someone. You must allow yourself to see your Mom as the person she is, warts and all. 

3.) Stay in your own inner adult-self with her. It’s a set-up for both of you if you regress to being a little girl around her. It puts her in the position of telling you what to do, and you in the position of doing things her way. If you like to cut your carrots and she likes to shred hers and you’re making the salad, cut the carrots if you want.

4.) As two grown adults, support each other. First and foremost, your Mother is your Mother, not your best friend. It’s important for both of you to have these kinds of boundaries. To one degree or another, she was there for you and as you both get older, it’s your job to be there for her, too. You’re both adults. How might she need your support?

5.) Enjoy her. Your Mother won’t be around forever, so whatever you really enjoy about her and doing with her, go for it. Find the ways you can connect and whatever is mutually pleasurable. You’ll be so glad you did when she’s gone.

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photo credit David Costillo Dominici via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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