As a life coach and licensed psychotherapist, as well as someone who’s been married for almost 20 years, I can tell you firsthand that all marriages and long term relationships have their joys as well as their challenges. A joyful and successful marriage or partnership takes a willingness to look honestly at ourselves and our partners. Sometimes this is harder than we might realize. As we develop and mature into someone who can actually see ourselves and others, we want to cultivate compassion for all we see and treat whatever arises as a catalyst for greater understanding, growth, and intimacy. When both parties are willing to look within themselves, and each do their own work as well as work together on the marriage, the relationship can grow and deepen into an abundance of excitement, fulfillment, fun, and happiness.
The better we are at accurately knowing our own inner thoughts and feelings and we’re able to communicate them to our beloved, the easier our relationships become. As you become more awake, aware, and alive to yourself and your partner, the kindness will outweigh the harshness, the generosity will outweigh the withholding, the pleasure will outweigh the pain.
Building a foundation of safety - physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually - allows you to relax into trusting yourself and your partner. The safer you and your partner feel with each other in all ways, the easier it is to successfully achieve greater connection and intimacy with your partner.
Here are 9 tips that will help you be more fully present with yourself and your partner, for a happier and healthier marriage.
1) Even if you think you know your partner very well, spend time getting to know who he or she is today. People grow and change, so it’s important that you keep your ideas about them growing also.
2) Learn to contain your own feelings, and become available to really hear and come to understand your partner’s viewpoint.
3) If you must be right, you’re probably caught in your inner child. Notice if you keep driving your point across without taking in the other person’s perspective. Maybe you are right, but relentlessly repeating the same point, over and over, usually interferes with the other person hearing you.
4) Cultivate shared interests and activities that you build into your days, weeks, and months. Take time to find what you both enjoy. You fell in love, so you must have a few things in common.
5) Become a team of two. Support one another so each of you reaches your dreams and your greatness.
6) Cut each other some slack. But beware, this requires self-knowledge and insight.
7) Have scheduled date-days and date-nights. Make these the highest priority, and not to be cancelled except as a last resort.
8) Find ways to make everything fun. Much of life can feel like chores and errands. It is possible to have fun and find the humor in it all, even in the midst of your ordinary life.
9) Open up inside to being delighted by your partner. It can be a pleasure to just drink that morning cup of Joe together.
What have been your secrets to having a good relationship? Please share your thoughts. They make a difference for us all.
For further information on accessing your wisdom, happiness, fulfillment, and peace you desire, click here to learn about Dr. Howard's Multiple Award Winning Book "Your Ultimate Life Plan: How to Deeply Transform Your Everyday Experience and Create Changes That Last."
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