We will discuss: The need for personal boundaries and why he needs you to have them; How stop his—or your—criticism, manipulation and blame games; How to recognize whether your anger or his anger is healthy or unhealthy; and how the best kept secret in psychology can help your relationship.

 

John Lee, best-selling author has written nineteen books, including The Flying Boy: Healing the Wounded Man, and his latest release 24 Things to Increase the Emotional Intelligence of Your Man.

 

In the meantime, enjoy this special article from John! We hope you will join us.

 

 

First things first—A feeling is a fact at the moment a woman is experiencing it. Another fact: Most women tend to be more in touch and connected to their feelings and emotions. Men if you are reading this, emotion is as important as logic and reason. In other words, if a person— whether man or woman— feels sad because their pet of ten years is lost or died the sadness is as real as the sun and they are not to be talked out of their feelings. Instead they should receive empathy. If someone is angry about losing a job their anger is as real to them as the ground they are standing on. 

 

Unfortunately many people, particularly men have been taught that the expression of feelings and emotions makes them weak or inferior in some way. 

 

Dr. Michael Revito says, “…the forces that defined masculinity have therefore shaped and molded an idea of a man as one who should not demonstrate vulnerability or weakness in any kind of visible form. The idea of a man being vulnerable is viewed as a gateway of losing their masculinity.” This is changing rapidly for younger generations who are being exposed to the concept of emotional intelligence early on in their education. As the singer/songwriter Bob Dylan said a long time ago, “the times they are a’changin’.”

 

It is time for men to stop shutting down their feelings and emotions and stop shutting down the women who, to a much larger degree are not only in touch with their feelings but need to express them. It is time that men open up and tell the women they love how they really feel and not just what they think.

 

This book provides  both women and men with takeaways that will increase emotional literacy, vocabulary and emotional range. You will increase and elevate your E.Q. (Emotional Quotient or Emotional Intelligence). You will use exercises in the book that will make you a more emotionally available partner, parent, or spouse and allow you to be more intimate and feel more connected to those you care about. At the same time you’ll be better equipped to succeed as a boss, employee, colleague and friend.

 

During the last decade emotional intelligence has become a key factor in achieving success in everything from romantic relationships to a corporation’s bottom line. Each day we make literally hundreds of decisions  that require us to be in tune with our emotional selves; decisions that can’t be made with reason and rational though alone “Emotional Intelligence refers to the ability to sense, understand, value and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy, information, trust, creativity and influence.” (Goleman, 1995)

 

In the recent past a person’s IQ (intelligence quotient) was the standard used to hire corporate executives or other high-powered positions. It is now becoming secondary to a person’s EQ (emotional intelligence quotient). Studies show that a person’s IQ is set by age twenty or twenty-one, but emotional intelligence can be increased anytime at any stage in a person’s life. 

 

EQ is rapidly becoming more important when it comes to hiring a manager or picking a mate because, as many of us have experienced, a high IQ does not equal happiness or success, but a high EQ does.

 

In an interview with the Chicago Booth News, Jamie Dimon, chairman and CEO of JPMorgan Chase, says, “A talent for dealing with people tops the list of important business skills. It’s not IQ that leads to success. EQ is more important: emotional intelligence, social skills, how you relate, can you get things done. That’s what makes a difference, especially in management.”

 

Women, read this book first. All of what is said here is very applicable to your own emotional well-being but will also become a handbook to help the men you love get more and more comfortable with their feelings and yours’ at home and at work.