Posted: 12/23/2014 | Personal Development	Comments
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In the articles How to Say “No” Effectively - Part 1 and  How To Say "No" Effectively - Part 2, I talked about how to have better personal boundaries. We learned what boundaries are and how to have healthy ones.

Do you find yourself drawn into other people’s dramas or their problems? When you see a conflict an adult is having, do you feel you must help or do something about it?

If this is true for you, it might be helpful to wonder why. With this in mind, you might want to ask yourself a few questions.

•    Is this a wise decision to participate in this conflict?
•    Is it in my best interest?
•    If you think the answer is yes to either, why?
•    What good are you imagining will come out of this for you?

If you feel pressured to do something when you witness the drama of a conflict, or you have to rescue an adult from a difficulty, you might want to take a step back and look at this.

It would be helpful to think about how this might be a familiar position from childhood. Did you feel in the middle somehow as a youth? Did you have to “take care” of your caretakers, either physically or emotionally?

If someone feels they must to do something, then they are not in choice. Most of the time when we are not in choice, we are unconsciously caught in something from our past. This could be due to a lack of boundaries and co-dependency.

Our behaviors flow from our inner thoughts and feelings that make up our personal programming. “Your personal programming is the coded instructions that, in part, you brought into this life and have continued to gather from your experiences until now. The coded sequence comes from internalized interactions with your environment, especially all you saw, felt, and heard from your caregivers when you were younger.” Your Ultimate Life Plan 

It’s difficult to stop doing the behavior of rescuing others when we are not aware of what is driving us to do it.

Perhaps you don’t have to get in the middle. Perhaps from your past, you feel a need to control the situation in an attempt to experience some kind of safety. Perhaps a new boundary needs to be explored that includes the freedom to choose. Perhaps you could say no.

When we are caught by an internal block such as a limiting idea or belief that’s no longer true, we might believe that we are the only ones that can help. That might have been true when we were children, but now that we are adults, others will find their own way.

A few more questions to ask yourself that might help you recognize the deeper parts of this might be:

•    What is this about for me?
•    Where does this come from in my history?
•    What am I feeling emotionally that is driving me to participate?
•    What am I thinking that is urging me to participate?
•    Is there any fear of letting go of control?
•    What is the fantasy of what will happen if I don’t step in?

All relationships give us a chance to grow and change for the better. What’s possible for you to learn from these kinds of situations?

For further information on accessing the wisdom, happiness, fulfillment, and peace you desire, click here to learn about Dr. Howard's Multiple Award Winning Book "Your Ultimate Life Plan: How to Deeply Transform Your Everyday Experience and Create Changes That Last.

photo credit David Castillo Dominici via Free Digital Photos