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How to Be a Compassionate Truth Teller
Posted: 3/16/2011 | Personal Development Comments
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We as people in the public eye must examine everything with the utmost integrity, always questioning our motives, our truth and our intentions. “Integrity” is considered to be having a consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcomes. It could also be seen as a steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code. With that in mind, it is easier to live a peaceful, happy life if we live who we say we are. Yet, what can we do when we see that a public figure is not living in integrity?

This is especially difficult when these public figures are in our field of expertise or in a field embedded in truth, personal growth and authenticity. We see very plainly that this person is very far from walking their talk. From all observation, they are not even in an inner conflict or internal struggle from what they say not matching with what they do.  Therefore, how can we help those who are being unwittingly hoodwinked by such a person?
It is very important to see through the facades and personas of well-known celebrities, spiritual-consciousness teachers, bloggers and internet marketers. It is well accepted that many current marketing strategies support the idea that one should take a mole hill and show it from an angle that could make it appear to be a mountain. That is how “they” will be the most successful. But, I ask, where is the integrity in that? 
There is a sense of freedom in seeing the truth, as best we can, and sharing with those who tend to be more vulnerable with what we see as being contradictory. It’s what good journalism does: exposes lies and deceptions. But for those who are in the same field as the ones who are compromising its integrity, it is up to them to defend the truth from those who are taking advantage of the unaware. After all, those people, who may be dangerous, need to be seen for who they are: just a show or just a marketing phenomenon with lots of gloss and good timing. The “guru’s” deception, lack of integrity, and incongruence needs to be exposed for the good of all. Yet, how do we blow the whistle or tell the truth as we see it?
Even if our intentions are honorable and we feel compelled to call these discrepancies as we see them, how do we do this with our own integrity in tact while not losing our way? Perhaps we could rant to our closest friends and colleagues for understanding, agreement and support, serving as a sounding board for our own edification and sanity. As we share our concerns with those close to us, we can then process what seems like a wrong, an injustice, a huge distortion or potential danger. Once we have vented, we then can allow ourselves to slow down and take a larger look. Then what?
Quite certainly, we want to get this information to those it will help the most—the innocent and perhaps gullible. Since it is important to pass on to the world truth as we see it, what is the best way to start? It is important to raise the questions in public and state the facts, keeping in mind all humans err; all of us are fallible. However, there are some among us, because of deep wounding, who are not capable of enough internal questioning. We maintain a kind but firm commitment to showing the evidence that someone is out of alignment. We do this by calling out to the person teaching the incorrect information, if we know them. We must write, speak and teach our own knowledge of this field, knowing that the truth on some level rings loudly for all of us. Focusing on our heart and compassion of the human struggle, we question what is being taught, holding our integrity and breathing into the knowledge that the larger picture will be revealed and become clear at some point to others. On some level these particular “experts” must know that they are lying or taking advantage of others, but the thoughts and feelings are deeply buried in self-deception. When that is true, the false self and the gig that is espousing the untruths usually crumbles at some point.
It also might help if we ask ourselves a few questions for our own growth and connection to authenticity: 
  • How do I feel as I’m telling these perceptions?
  • Am I feeling any bit of scorn or gloating?
  • Am I assuming that I have the only right position?
  • Do I feel any degree of delight?
As we ask ourselves these questions, it’s helpful to do so compassionately. After all, we are all on this journey together and at any given moment feeling we are doing our best. This “best” can be quite distorted at times, though, for all of us. How many of us look back ten years and think of a decision or comment we made or something we said or did and now wonder, “What was I thinking?”  With that in mind, even though we want to challenge our colleagues’ lack of integrity, we should always have compassion for them as well as for ourselves. 


Judy       Posted: 4/6/2011 4:24:17 PM

Hi Dr. Jennifer,
Just like Cheryl above, it is perfect timing for me to read this post. This speaks to a recent issue I''ve faced, not about/with a colleague in my industry, but a self-proclaimed guru whose integrity and intentions I question. This is a tough topic and issue to face. Your words give me more to think about and in a healthy constructive way.
Thank you,

LordoftheBog       Posted: 5/16/2011 1:19:30 AM

Dr Jennifer - Thanks! I really needed to read this.

cheryl Gordon       Posted: 4/1/2011 1:59:52 PM

Thank you Dr. Jennifer for your informative perceptions of Deceptive Personalities, and points on being an Effective Wholesome Truth Sayer. It came at a most opportune time. Sharing, & Many Blessings,

Cheryl aka Muffyjo on the Web

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