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The New Year's Anti-Resolution
Posted: 1/4/2013 | Giggling Buddha Comments
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The New Year inspires us to resolve to do better, bigger, and different. We often resolve to be and do everything we "should" rather than what we’re actually committed to. Predictably, we break our resolutions and feel guiltier than we did before we started the year. This year, use a little reverse psychology. Make resolutions you’re happy to break. Following are ten New Year’s resolutions you can gladly fail.
 

  1. Clutter up the garage. When you’re putting away seasonal decorations, be sure and mix them together in open ended boxes that don’t stack well. For extra credit, fill the space you would normally park the car.
  2. Spend money needlessly. Try buying a StairMaster or an Elliptical machine. In fact, buy both. They’ll make you feel guilty while holding draped clothing you never put away. Eventually, they can help you fulfill resolution #1.
  3. Avoid exercise. Try driving endlessly in search of a parking place in front of the store, rather than parking and walking. Always take the elevator. Keep your gym membership to help fulfill resolution #2.
  4. Become a chef. Go to Costco and buy giant containers of capers, olive oil, sardines and cheese. Again, you’re supporting resolutions #1 and #2. In combination with #3 you could fulfill...
  5. Gain 10 pounds. ‘Nuff said.
  6. Argue with your spouse. If you need ideas, use resolutions #1 and #2 for fodder.
  7. Watch more television. Keep it on as much as possible. Tune in to a news channel and you can easily...
  8. Meditate less, worry more. You’re on track with the former resolutions. Lay down on the couch and remember everything that isn’t right with the world. Call it meditation.
  9. Fritter away your time. Untangle that knotted, fine chain in your jewelry cabinet. Extra points if you don’t use your readers. Read every update on Facebook. Count every reference to food. When you’re done, start over and count all references to pets. Before you know it, you’ll have wasted hours.
  10. Keep these resolutions. This is the only resolution you need to break!


     



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