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The Third Date Happened… Now What?
Posted: 4/4/2014 | Relationships Comments
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"Wow, who says there's no romance left in the world?”― Richelle Mead, Succubus Blues

I spoke in the last blog about Those First Few Dates.

So, you’ve made it past the third date. Congrats.

Could this person be Mr. or Mrs. Right?

(Although I use the pronouns “he” and “him” throughout this piece, please change it as you need to.)

It’s natural to wonder what you should do next, now that the first, second, and third date went well. So before making any decisions, take a moment to step back and be with yourself for a few minutes. We become more informed about what to do next when we are in touch with ourselves. 

Be Present

It helps in making the healthiest relationship choices if you are present to your own inner life. Be present to your own sensations, emotions, and thoughts when you’re with him. Hopefully you have been noticing what comes up for you when you’re around him and talking with him. And that you’ve been asking him questions about his inner and outer life, and are listening to what he says.

As your capacity to be more fully conscious, present, and intimate with your own mind and heart grows, so does your capacity and ability to be more fully present and deeply intimate with the person you’re dating.

Be Aware

As you contemplate your next step in this possibly budding relationship, paying close attention and being aware of yourself, and of him, will help reveal what to do.

What have you noticed about him? What do you like about him? What do you find annoying about him? How do you feel around him?

To become more aware of what to do next, spend a few minutes being quiet enough to listen to your gut—your intuition, the still small voice within. Is your gut telling you not to gloss over that thing he said last night, because it’s a red flag you really need to pay attention to? Or is your gut highlighting how relaxed and at ease you feel when you’re with him? Or is your gut anxious about a longstanding issue of yours that’s coming up to be addressed?

Although it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of a brand new romance, for your ultimate happiness, you want to make decisions from the wise inner mature part of you, instead of from the more impulsive or reactive part of you. That is why I always suggest to my clients to spend a full 4 seasons with someone before planning anything permanent.

Be Curious

So become curious … about absolutely everything.

Become curious about your attraction to him and how he is like others from your past. Since we know that family patterns play a part in our attraction to people, how is he like your members of your family?

Become curious about him. If you haven’t begun already, after the third date might be the time to really ask the deeper questions about this person.

What likes and dislikes of his have you seen so far? What are his hopes and dreams? Does he seem compassionate toward others? Does he seem vulnerable and open to himself and you? Has he done any personal development work? Would he be open to it?  Is his spiritual life in harmony with yours?

How does he talk about his other relationships? His former girlfriends or ex-wife?

Where does he see himself in 5 years? 10 years? What does he value? Does he like his work? What do you think of his work? What does he like to do when he isn’t working? Is he thoughtful about his own life?

Do the things he tells you seem to add up?  So far, does he seem honest? Or are there gaps in his story?

Does he listen to you? Is he interested in your life and how you experience things? Does he ask questions about you? Is he listening to your answers?

Is he only interested in your body? Ultimately, sexiness is between your ears so it’s worth getting to know him.

Be Authentic

Yes, be yourself. That doesn’t mean to disclose your deepest secrets in the first three dates, but tell your truth. You need to respect your boundaries and take care of yourself.

Pretending to be a party girl when you actually like to go to sleep at nine o’clock will not be sustainable. If you don’t like sports and he does, that’s okay. Maybe he could explain his favorite game to you in a new way so you can enjoy and appreciate it. 

As you open to talking, listening, and getting to know one another, you are opening to an authentic relationship. Being real and authentic with one another leads to intimate conversations that can touch the very depths of our humanity. This level of honesty and sharing can deepen and strengthen the bonds between you.

Long term relationships are built on truth and sharing. If he is Mr. Right and you want a healthy, happy relationship, you want to be able to tell the truth and keep building toward a dynamic intimate relationship.

So, before you do anything after a third date, be present, be aware, be curious and be authentic. Then your next step, whatever it is, will be the right step.

Let me know your experience about dating. Your comments make a difference for us all.

For further information on accessing the wisdom, happiness, fulfillment, and peace you desire, click here to learn about Dr. Howard's Multiple Award Winning Book "Your Ultimate Life Plan: How to Deeply Transform Your Everyday Experience and Create Changes That Last.


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